


As above, so below

by ElnaK



Series: Books of Lore [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels are Dicks, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, humans are dicks, just because I had to, like literally - Freeform, like literally too, possibly caused by a supernatural monster, sorry - Freeform, true vessels + angels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8249240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElnaK/pseuds/ElnaK
Summary: Things happen. Dean names his dick Michael. Jimmy is apparently a hunter. No one has any shame. It's all the monster's fault, anyway.And the other way around: Michael gets home with a hard-on. Gabriel will find out for who.





	1. Once upon a time on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually write Destiel, but well. This was too good not to write.  
> Crack.
> 
> There will be a second chapter, one day, dealing with it the other way around ( Once upon a time in Heaven )

Maybe it was the adrenalin, maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was because of that thing the monster had spat on them all just before getting beheaded by John. Maybe it wasn't because of it. Dean couldn't say, wasn't sure, and didn't care.

The sure thing in all of that was that it had happened, one way or another.

That night, Dean, Sam, their father John, and their friend and fellow hunter Jimmy, had finished a particularly dangerous hunt that definitely could have taken a turn for the worst, but hadn't. They had had a good fright, but that was it. Hence the adrenalin, and yet the perfect health condition.

That night, Dean had somehow convinced/abducted Jimmy to drink a beer in the Winchesters' motel room, instead of going back directly to his own motel room. They all were unable to sleep, anyway. Too much excitation with the hunt, and too much of a letdown with how easy it had been to end the monster. Dean couldn't let James just go to sleep like that. The other hunter had to celebrate with them.

John had taken off, in search of the beers they would share, with a raised eyebrow at his eldest son. Sam had rolled his eyes, and gone to take a shower. The two seemed to think, for some unfathomable reason, that Dean had a thing for Jimmy. Dean really couldn't see it, but whatever.

So now, the two hunters were sitting on Dean's bed, perusing an ancient book of lore about angels. They knew that angels didn't exist, or if they did, they didn't care much about good old Earth and humanity, but both Sam and Jimmy were interested in the subject eitherway.

James squinted at the text, thoughtful, before squinting back up, at Dean himself.

The younger man frowned at him.

“What's that look, Jimmy?”

“Just thinking you are very similar to the archangel Michael, in a way...”

Dean arched both eyebrows. He wasn't exactly a saint, so comparing him to an angel...

“What did you drink, mate? I'm like the poster boy for sins and depravity.”

Jimmy scowled at him, reducing their personal spaces rather surprisingly. They were now eyes to eyes, and Dean was feeling a bit hot, as if James' gaze was burning him up.

“Extremely loyal to his father, keeping his younger brother in check in case he'd do something stupid, ready to sacrifice himself or his happiness if it is for the greater good, a soldier, a warrior, an officer when needs be. What else do you need?”

Dean didn't say anything. He didn't have an answer to that.

In fact, he was rather occupied with staring at the incredibly inviting lips moving angrily just a few inches away from his own. Dean's usual lack of self-awareness seemed to have flown out of the window with whatever was affecting him right now, because he now realized why Dad and Sammy were so sure his wet dreams were all about a panting James Novak. Hell, he was having freaking sexual daydreams about Jimmy right now. Let's just say it involved a great deal of dicks, and also the other hunter's ass. And his lips. And... And let's keep it at that.

James was still waiting for an answer, though. Dean forced himself to look up, to look at Jimmy's face as a whole, and not just at those beautiful lips, which he could so easily imagine eating at his hard co...

He was sure he could say something about not being like the archangel at all, but apparently he couldn't, because the words that left his mouth were totally not about that... Though about Michael, alright.

“Maybe I should name my dick Michael, then? What do you think, James?”

The look Jimmy gave him then was priceless. Like he had just said he wanted to go out, look for a female demon in a male meatsuit, and get him/her to do him in the ass for the rest of the night. Which was definitely not happening.

Truthfully, had Dean been in his normal state of mind, he'd certainly have blushed as soon as he'd have realized what he had said. To his best friend, at that.

But Dean wasn't in any kind of a normal state, mental or physical, and he didn't blush at all. His mind was clear, in a way, and he knew totally what he was doing, but it seemed all his inhibitions had gone away. Very far away.

If there was one thing he noticed, it was that Jimmy surely was at least a little affected too, because the man had yet to stand up and step back from his slightly crazed best friend who was talking to him about naming his penis after an archangel.

Before he knew it himself, Dean had crawled over to Jimmy, one hand flipping the pages carelessly, the other hand planted firmly next to his best friend. He could feel the other's man breath hot against his face, and that had Michael harden a bit. Who knew all he needed to make a move on James was a monster to spit in his face?

Jimmy didn't seem all that bothered by his action, only surprised.

Dean glanced over at the book, and smirked.

“You were born a thursday, right? I think your angel's going to be Castiel.”

When Jimmy spoke, his voice seemed rougher than usual. Heavy with want, maybe. Dean sure could work with that.

“Always liked Castiel. But, Dean, it looks like Michael needs some attention on your part. Shouldn't you be out, looking for a girl to spend the night with, like always?”

Dean basically ignored that, pushing the book over the edge of the bed. It landed with a soft “poof” on the floor, and now the two hunters had the bed to themselves. Dean's free hand went for Jimmy's fly, but it didn't do more, only laying there, right above a bulge that the man could feel rising slowly, through the fabric of the pants.

“James, I'd really like to get to know Cas...”

Dean had that gleam in his eyes, that screamed of lust and want, and Jimmy gulped. No one called him James unless he was in trouble. Then he guessed he kind of was in trouble...

Two things happened then: first, Sam walked out of the bathroom, and snorted at them; second, John came back with the beers, and rolled his eyes at the younger men. Dean didn't feel ashamed at all, Jimmy neither, and oddly enough Sam and John didn't look awkward at all. Surely the work of whatever was working on their inhibitions, Jimmy decided.

John put down the beers on the table.

“Took you two long enough. But you should go continue what you were doing in Jimmy's room, because even if right now I couldn't care less, I'm pretty sure by tomorrow morning, I'd regret seeing my son having sex.”

Sam scowled at his older brother, obviously sharing his father's point of view. Then his eyes flashed in anger, and he bent over to rescue the poor book who had suffered Dean's abuse.

“How did you even end up like that while speaking of angels, anyway?”

Jimmy arched an eyebrow at Dean, and decided to be frank.

“Dean has decided that all penis should be given the name of an angel, after I told him he reminded me of the archangel Michael.”

Over at the table, John choked on his beer. No one was quite sure if it was in disbelief, in laughter, or in a mix of both. Dean almost asked him which angel he'd pick for himseld, but thought better of it. He had the feeling that, first of all, he wouldn't want to remember talking about that to his own father, and that secondly John was a good match for Michael too. If there was one thing the young man did not want to share with his father, it was a penis nickname.

Sam stared unimpressed at his older brother.

Dean squinted at him. He needed something to bring him down a peg or two, fast. Or at least, something that'd make him shut up for a time, just so that Jimmy and him could sneak out and continue their activities in a more suitable, more private place.

Then Jimmy's words came back to him, and Dean smirked, his eyes descending dangerously to Sam's midsection.

“And if mine is Michael, it would only make sense if my little brother's was Lucifer. Don't you think so too, Sammy? It would explain so much, actually...”

John didn't choke on his beer, this time, but it was because he had carefully put down his drink after the first instance. Sam seemed to have frozen in place. Dean was dragging Jimmy out of the room, and surely to the other hunter's own room. Then the door closed, and John allowed himself to breath once again. He tried not to laugh at Sam, nor to think about how Michael was certainly getting to know Castiel by now, as he cautiously reached back for his drink.

 


	2. Once upon a time in Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel just wants to know who got Michael's "Dean" all bothered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just crack too.

Gabriel spun his chair around, bored. There was no one home, there was no one at his neighbours', and Sophia was busy with her duties. He had nothing to do.

So, that's how it all began: Gabriel, youngest of the archangels, was bored.

Or maybe it all began when Michael came home, just a little later than usual.

It probably was because of both. Had Gabriel not been so bored, he might have overlooked that Michael was late. Had Gabriel not noticed the lateness, he may not have even glanced at his big brother. And had Gabriel not looked at his oldest brother, he surely wouldn't have seen what he saw.

Gabriel did a double take. This was not something that was supposed to happen. Heaven, he was almost certain God must have said something about it, because Michael sure seemed intent on not letting that happen. Gabriel was almost certain no one could pretend to have seen that before him.

In other words, Michael had a hard-on.

Which was so unlikely, Gabriel thought, just for a minute, that maybe he was hallucinating. Because, you know, an archangel having hallucinations was more likely than Michael getting hard.

“Mike? What's that?”

The other archangel raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't seem really fazed. Like he had no idea what Gabriel was talking about. So, either Michael knew exactly what he was talking about, and acted as if he didn't, just because that was what normal adults did, or the oldest son of God was denying it all. Which was more likely. Because there was no way Michael could be a normal adult who went around and felt all hot about someone else once in a while. There wasn't an angel more prude than Michael, and the guy had concurrence.

Because, really, between Raphael and some of the rank and file, there was much competition for the title of Prudence McPrude, mayor of Pruditown.

“What's what, Gabriel? And how many times did I tell you not to call me that?”

“Over thirty thousands times, I believe, Mike. And I was asking why your little Dean seems so excited.”

No one really knew who had started that habit of naming their... private parts with human names, but in a few decades, no one in Heaven, guys as well as girls, had escaped the naming. People such as Michael, Raphael or Zachariah, obviously, hadn't chosen their own nickname, because really, could you picture them participating in something so childish? Gabriel and some others had been kind enough to supply for those who didn't want to be involved. As for the inventor... Gabriel suspected Balthazar, but there was no proof.

Michael looked at his brother blankly, and for a second Gabriel wondered if the Viceroy of Heaven could perhaps deny even that. Maybe Mike's brain had shut off all sexual thoughts on principle. Like the older archangel wasn't even aware of his hard-on. Was it that impossible?

After a moment, though, Michael looked down. He seemed annoyed to see that “Dean” still hadn't calmed down. It relieved Gabriel a bit. Dad hadn't made his oldest son completely clueless, after all.

“Basic reaction, Gabriel. You didn't think my body had absolutely no reaction to an attractive person, did you? Let's say Dean got a crush on James, and not talk about it again.”

James, uh? Gabriel had no idea whose this one was, but he sure as hell was going to find out.

But before that, he needed to get a bit more information.

“Wait, Mike, you're telling me you have a crush on someone, but you won't say more? How cruel is that? Oh, maybe you're embarassed. Don't worry, I'll do the questions. What's his name, or his rank, maybe? Does James knows Dean likes him? Did you two have a good time? Did...”

“Dean got a crush, not me. I happened to see him changing clothes, but I didn't exactly stop to take a look. I don't think he even noticed me here. Now, I don't know, why don't you go pester Raphael, or wait for Sophia to come back? I heard she'd like you to take better care of her.”

Gabriel snorted. Mike was trying to retaliate with the subjec of his own personal dominion angel, but he wouldn't rise to the bait. Sophia was his girlfriend, and he certainly knew more about her than Michael did.

“Neal and Kali are doing very well, brother, thank you for caring. In fact, they just fit together, if you see what I mean...”

Michael rolled his eyes, not intent on knowing too much of what Gabriel's “Neal” and Sophia's “Kali” were getting up to on their spare time.

“Whatever, kiddo.”

And he shut the door to his bedroom behind him.

Gabriel was alone, again, but he certainly wasn't bored anymore. So Michael didn't want to speak about James and Dean's blossoming relationship? He didn't even want to acknowledge that if Dean had gotten all bothered today, it was certainly because Michael felt just the same? Very well, they wouldn't talk about it.

No, Gabriel was going to investigate, find this “James” and his affiliated angel, and then he'd dump him right into Mike's bedroom. Then they'd see if the crush was only “Dean”'s, or if Michael too wanted to get all hard and dirty and penetrative with another angel.

So, as any evil matchmaker with self-esteem and reliable CIs would do, Gabriel raced to Balthazar's humble abode. One minute, there was loud music and a lot of wine going around, the next an Archangel had slammed the front door and the guests had been sent out to their own places without warning. The perks of being an archangel.

Balthazar stared, puzzled, at his glass of red wine. Then he looked up at his big brother, indignation written all over his face. He had been about to convince three sexy reapers to take a day off.

“Ed needed the workout!”

Gabriel waved that away, still wondering why Balthazar had gone with the nickmane “Edgar” of all things, but well, he had more important, er, interesting things to think about.

“Big news, kiddo: Michael's getting hot for someone. I want to know who, and lock them in a room for a few days. You're helping me.”

“I am?”

“You are.”

Balthazar blinked, and finally everything processed to his brain successfully.

“Wait, the Viceroy got a crush?”

It was unthinkable, really. The first time Gabriel had told him about the existence of “Dean”, the younger angel had looked at him as if he had swallowed an entire lemon. Balthazar had always thought that, for some reason, Dad had made Michael junkless, given how the archangel didn't seem to know what to do with his. Maybe God had only thought of genders after Michael's creation, or something like that.

Gabriel's and Balthazar's unsuccessful attempts to get the oldest angel in creation laid sure made it looks like it. Then again, maybe they hadn't been looking at the right people.

“Yeah, but he won't admit it. All I got from him was the nickname 'James'...”

Balthazar chokked on his drink, and Gabriel had to pat him on the back for a good minute.

“You know him?”

The angel chuckled nervously, lost somewhere between astonishment, mad giggling and disbelief.

“If I know him? Gabriel, that's Castiel. I'm the one who named 'James', because the guy couldn't get the point of this big joke.”

There was a pause, as they both considered what it all meant. Castiel, of all people. Uh. They sure hadn't been looking at the right kind of potential lovers for the Viceroy of Heaven, then.

The two grinned, and before anything could stop them, they were on their way to get Castiel, get at least one or two layers of clothes off the angel, before Gabriel could dump him right in Michael's room, with a nice blue ribbon in his hair for Mike to see. No point in not teasing his big brother.

Michael was reading on his bed when Gabriel appeared right in his room with a clueless angel before popping out before he could be yelled at for intruding. Leaving the angel behind.

Oh damn. It was Castiel. Michael had to do his best not to get out and smite Gabriel's ass, just on principle. He instead focused on Castiel, who looked a bit distressed.

“What...”

Michael sighed, and stood up. He reached for the other's hand, and pulled Castiel against himself.

“Come here, I'll get this thing out of your hair.”

The younger angel seemed to fit right between his arms, he noticed.

 


End file.
